Not All Men

On my way back from dinner today evening, my friend and I noticed two men who happily pulled out their penises and started to pee on the footpath of the main road. One of them was so loud that I could hear his pee hit the ground although we walked ten feet away from him. This dude was better because he had at least unzipped his pants to pee but the second one wearing a veshti and he had to lift the whole thing up to finish his job. He kept staring at us because because he left his keys at his bike.

By the way, I live in Bengaluru.

The whole scene took place on the Bannerghatta main road, near Christ University.

But who cares if a man pees so openly in public? He is a MAN, it was an emergency for him and it is supposed to be my fault for looking at his exposed genitals. We turned towards our street and look who became the eye candy as we began to walk! I was in my sweatshirt and shorts. Wait… did I just say shorts? Of course, those men did have a reason to stare at my legs. It is winter, cold outside, people come out to smoke and why won’t they stare at something that would heat their heads up! It is, as a responsible Indian woman, my fault to keep my legs open for display.

If there is something that the feminists have been raising their voices against for ages now, it is this bias and hatred against one whole gender in a society. Well, close to a billion people in India, who follow Hinduism, worship half naked Goddesses but do we get turned on, on looking at a twenty-year old woman’s legs? Forget about twenty-year olds, even a five-year old would do. Well, this sort of hypocrisy exists almost everywhere in our lives. We all are victims, as well as a part of this hypocritic system and I will tell you why.

“Did you come across what happened in Bangalore during the New year’s eve?” my mother asked me two days after the incident took place. I told her everything that I knew about the incident and this is what she had to say- “Even Bangalore has become horrible now… But those girls should have had enough sense before they went outside at such late hours and party in those clothes. Who asked them to go that way?” I didn’t say a word because there was no point in arguing with her. She has been raised in such society and this very society and its conventions have made her what she is today; I will not blame her for the skewed outlook she has. All she is concerned about is me earning a good name in the society and getting happily married someday.

My mother is not the only person who judges a woman’s character based on the way she dresses up. There are millions of such women out there. But let us take a look at the attacks on women that have been taking place for a while now. What kind of clothes were the minors in Badaun wearing when they were raped and hanged to a tree? What kind of clothes was the five-year old kid in Delhi wearing, when she got brutally raped? She hardly had any breasts nor was she roaming outside, late night. Please do not tell me that those are exceptions. There are thousands of such cases every year and we are only blind enough to not notice them.

I’ve had a friend who had recently confessed to being molested by her uncle, as a kid. Then there was another friend who had been raped every single day by a balloon-seller while going to tuition, for nine days during Navratri. She was only thirteen years old then. I was whistled at by a random stranger on road who followed me till my house. I was dressed in Salwar Kameez and was only eleven years old. Later at sixteen, I was molested by a friend of mine. He began avoiding me from the next day because it didn’t go very well for him and it took me sometime to realize what had actually happened. Forget about safety on the roads at late night, what about the safety in our closest circles? If I can give you four such cases in just one blog post of mine, imagine how many incidents have been taking place all over India!

And you tell me that not all men do such things and then hashtag it. If you have not done it, I call you awesome… but you won’t get a Bharat Ratna for your great deed. These men are Macho enough to police women regarding their dressing and outing but don’t have enough balls to raise their voices against the morons who assault them. You men, who get threatened by the idea of a transgender standing next to you would tweet saying #NotAllMen molest women and that we should stop blaming men. Hats off!

It is not the first time that the dressing of women has been blamed for the violent attacks against them. Many brutal incidents have taken place against women in India so far and they have received astonishing response from every corner of the country. There were people who raised their voices against these brutal attacks against the female gender in our country and there were others who chose to blame the victims for exciting these men to attack them. There were some political fools, even during the Delhi gang rape incident, who blamed the victim for roaming outside on the roads, at the late hour of night (this would be understood better if you watched BBC’s “India’s Daughter”). But the kind of response that the recent Bengaluru incident has taken the Women’s freedom debate to a whole new level.

Support or not, it doesn’t yield the women any good anymore. But the whole “getting defensive about the men’s race” will only make you look more hypocritical than you already are.

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